Dating is exciting! Dating is frustrating! Dating gets us out of our comfort zone. It is thrilling to meet new people and experience novel restaurants, sights, and ideas. It is discouraging at times because there are more duds then studs. With practice and these tips in mind, your dating life may be short-lived. Commitment can be right around the corner.
Dating Tip 1: Ladies, don’t look for guys to ask what you want? Men just don’t do that. Women speak up. Learn assertive communication skills. Say want you want and mean what you say. Don’t wait until your patience runs thin and then you explode. Make a stance and say, “Hey, I’m feeling cooped-up and need some fresh air; let’s go for a hike, couples massage or walk on some hip street.” Whatever you want, say it loud and clear. It ain’t gonna happen unless you speak up!
Dating Tip 2: Does he continually talk without even taking a breath for air? Do you feel like you are in a monologue? You are right. He is in it for himself. You don’t matter. You probably feel invisible, and rightly so. There is no room for connection with someone who is talking on and on about themselves, their friends or whatever else you are NOT involved in. He is not emotionally available. GET OUT. You will lose all your esteem and trust. There is no room for you when you are dealing with someone so consumed with themselves.
Dating Tip 3: Test. Test your assertive skills. If he is talking in a monologue; say something. Try, “I think it’s great you are so excited about the opportunities you’ve had to see so many things, but I’m feeling a little neglected and not part of the conversation. It makes it hard to connect when you are talking so fast. There’s no room for me to interject. Do you think you could slow down and involve me in the conversation?” Test to see how he responds. Does he listen and acknowledge he went off on a tangent? If NOT, time to go!
Dating Tip 4: Does he continually talk about ex-girlfriends and what they did wrong? That’s a sign he is living in the past, not able to let go, and not take responsibility for his part in the relationship. A relationship involves two people and each person always plays a role. There is never just one person to blame. If you are being blamed or doing the blaming something is wrong. Stop the blaming and take personal responsibility. If you are taking the time to reflect, acknowledge your faults – even apologize, and if he’s not, get out—FAST!
Dating Tip 5: Does he listen and really hear you? How do you know? If you reveal something about yourself and the subject is quickly reverting back to him; HE’S NOT LISTENING! If you express your thoughts, and he bashed them, discourages you then HE IS ABUSIVE. If you say something about yourself and it is used against you later; HE IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY.
Dating is the perfect opportunity to learn about yourself, your triggers, and how you handle them. There is plenty of times to practice and improve skills that are challenging. Get out there and keep trying. The more you date, the greater the chance you will find the love of your life.