You can now design your ideal mate. Pick from any of the traits described below and even add a lot more. Go wild. Create a list of all the positive traits you wish for in your mate. Your dream partner can now be assembled like ordering a new car.
It might be easiest to print this list so you can circle your favorites and add others.
- Fun loving
- Wants as many kids as I do
- Great parent
- Has many exciting interests
- Values good health
- Enjoys their work
- Likes animals
- Loves me for who I am
- Great sense of humor
- Enjoys sex about as often as I do
- Loves taking care of others
- Gives me all the space I want when I want it
- Sparkling conversationalist
- Loves cooking for me
- Enjoys the same foods, movies, music and sports
- Manages money well and is a great investor
- Extroverted and fun in social situations
- Introverted and likes quiet, serene romantic settings
- Likes to exercise
- Great travel companion
- Has the same sense of adventure
- Loves what they do professionally and the sky is the limit
- Knows just how much to tease me
- Wants to talk when I do
- Is interested in my day if I want to talk about it
- Is willing to go to therapy (just in case)
Wow, what an ideal partner. And he or she is all yours. Just keep reading.
Now that you have described your dream partner, let’s do part two. For every four positive traits, you now need to include one irritant. Because we are all flawed creatures, we have to balance the picture.
Look at the list below and choose one characteristic for every four on your original list. What are you willing to live with in order to have all those juicy positives? In this scenario, the negatives are fixed and pretty permanent. Remember the ratio is 4:1. Count your list of positive traits and divide by 4 to see how many traits you need to select from the list below.
- Passive aggressive
- Conflict avoidant
- Hairy back
- Not interested in sex when I am
- Addicted to TV or video games
- Doesn’t want the same number of kids I do
- Poor kisser
- Loves eating junk foods
- Forgets birthdays and anniversaries
- Really embarrassing fashion style
- Chews with mouth open
- Snores loud enough to scare small animals
- No sense of humor
- Watches way too much T.V
- Rarely expresses emotions
- Trapped in go nowhere job and doesn’t mind it
- Spends way over the budget
- Interrupts and doesn’t listen well
- Swears a lot
- Tendency toward chronic depression
- Too much overweight or underweight
- No common activities
- Has unpleasant friends
- Bad health
There you have it – a real live human being who is complex, annoying, loving, and full of contradictions.
Make a Valentine’s Day Commitment. For the day before, the day of and the day after, experiment with accepting your partner’s irritating traits. Increase your positive recognition of your partner’s pluses and overlook their negatives.
Valentine’s Day has become way too commercial. Isn’t this better than any box of candy?
Also, do your best to evaluate yourself against these lists and look at the ratio you bring to your relationship. Do you see the same plusses and minuses as your partner sees in you?
If you do part three, congratulations. Please share any discoveries or how hard it is to resist blaming and criticizing for those 3 days.
Please share what you discover.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Written by The Couple’s Institute