Another Death in the Family

candleNovember 4, 2013

“Death ends a life…but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivors mind…toward some final resolution, which it never finds.” — Robert Anderson

My aunt passed away today.  The event hit my body once again like a freight train.  My body feels beaten, bruised, and wounded with pain from the loss.

I am sad for her departure but believe she is in peace.  When we last spoke, she had such a positive attitude, spirit, and serenity in believing that she would be met with her relatives, friends, and loved ones in the next place.  It brought her comfort in the transition.  Knowing this helps ease my grief as well.  I am able to rest assure she is okay wherever she may be.  I believe this with my heart even though my head has no idea.  Thus I rather believe and stay true to my heart.

My aunt’s death rekindled old memories.  We shared many ups and downs through the ages.  I disagreed with a lot of her behavior and stayed my distance for long bouts of time.  With her passing, I immediately accepted all of who she is and was.   It was hard while she was living but somehow after she is gone, it doesn’t matter so much.  I love her for her.  Why does it take death to finally have peace and acceptance?  Does it really have too?

She did the best she could.  She lived a fruitful life especially the last six years.  She moved to Missouri to be closer to family.  She found support, love, and a sense of belonging in a small community.  She made friends and was loved by many.  She helped me realize that is the meaning of life.  It’s our relationships that matter the most.  Cherish each and every one, treat others with love and kindness, and don’t give up even when times are tough.

Of course, there are relationships where there are struggles, disagreements, and challenges.  It’s finding a safe balance to still connect in whatever capacity possible.  Life is too short for emotional cut-off, not to talk to family or friends due to disagreements.  No one is perfect.  Everyone is trying the best they can in whatever ability they have.  Just some of us have more skill than others.  At the end of the day, is the heartache and distance worth going through.  Is it necessary to hold onto old grudges?  The longer we hold tight to negativity, the longer the pain and misery continues.

The passing of my aunt also renewed broken relationships.  The event presented the opportunity for my mom and me to talk again.  We were able to acknowledge our past wrong doings and not take time for granted.  My aunt’s departure helped us understand that time is precious.  Each day counts.  Time matters.  Our relationships count the most.

Death is such a funny phenomenon.  Regardless of when it happens, it’s always a shock.  It seems to stir up so many emotions, reflections, and assessments.  It can resurface the loss of past loved ones, rekindle old relationships, and remind us once again of our mortality.  It’s a memento to be grateful for the gifts of life and to appreciate those close to us.