Building Blocks for a Successful Relationship from Meeting to Marriage

I came up with an eight step system for individuals looking for a long and lasting relationship.  After much personal experience, observation and research, I have discovered these steps provide a greater chance for a lifelong partner versus just a one night stand.  These steps are not ingrained in stone and there are certainly rare and wonderful cases where a one night stand can turn into a successful marriage.  However to increase your chances, I have determined these steps provide the proper criteria and mind set for marriage.

Building Blocks for a Successful Relationship from Meeting to Marriage

First Three to Six Months

1.  Meet

  • Encounter at work, school, gym, grocery store, running/ walking club, art/ writing class, workshop, or any personal interest group.

2.  Establish a Friendship

  • Treat each other as buddies.  No pressure for sex and truly get to know the person without expectations for the future or external demands.  In this type of relationship, you are permitted to be yourself and learn each other’s character, values and beliefs.

3.  Set Boundaries and Stand-up for your principles and viewpoint

  • Be willing to end the relationship if they aren’t met.   You may be surprised how the relationship turns for the better after someone takes a stance if there is something special brewing between the two of you.

Six to Nine Months

4.  Continue to build boundaries; working on polite yet assertive communication.

5.  Respect

  • Respect naturally forms if there is admiration and deference toward each other.  Appreciate signs of mutual respect such as thoughtfulness, consideration, politeness and respect of privacy.  Small considerate actions mean the most.

Nine Months to a Year

6.  Love is revealed

  • Revel in your love, tender affection and romantic desires and longing for each other.

Year to Two Years

7.  Persevere the relationship

  • Steadily persist in consistent thoughtful actions toward each other despite problems or difficulties if they exist.

8.  Marriage

  • Make a 100% Commitment.  Be willing to work and give the relationship hundred percent; through thick and thin; the good and the bad times. During difficult times, look for the positives and enjoy your spouse more each day. You may be pleasantly surprised how your spouse responds; naturally reacting nicer.  An amazing transformation will eventually occur, illuminating happier times together.
  • There is a remarkable difference between a commitment of 99% and 100%. At 100%, you are seeing your problems all the way through to their solutions. At 99% we can still find a way to take the path of least resistance…and usually do.
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2 thoughts on “Building Blocks for a Successful Relationship from Meeting to Marriage

  1. There were some valid elements of you multi-step plan and some less valid. First a rgood elationship is not as complicated as you suggest and never, ever follows a predictable timetable – otherwise it would be mistaken for a close order drill – and that’s not inspiring.

    In summary a good relationship starts by finding out you have an attraction for each other based on chemistry, mutual respect, and most important: an ability to relate and communicate on an intimate and uninhibited level. You have to be “you” and be accepted for what you are or you will quickly grow tired of having to help them “get you” (adult babysitting). Belief systems are what they are; we all have them and love is finding that person who thinks like us and who has arrived at those philosophies based on a similar set of experiences and evolutionary wisdom. You must be or learn to be one. That’s where a spark inspires effort to make it special

    As for your timetable – forget about it. If your goal is to hold someone a schedule of events in an effort to earn respect along the way first, it won’t; it will likely destroy it as the other party sees the sequences of events as plastic and insincere. Love dictates its own timetable from a few hours, to a few days, to a few months. The truly good ones are known in hours, most cases.

    But how does legendary love begin? It begins with that spark I mentioned that leads to the desire to investigate the other person further. That spark is important beause it is your intuition telling you there is something immediate of value but that there is also something that lies ahead and beneath that is worth working towards. If the spark of mutual ravenous attraction is realized then both minds have signaled each other that there is a multi-dimensional attraction that has so many tangets of excitement, possibility and fulfillment that the relationship has a future and will never get boring or lack fulfillment – manyly because two people who have the backbone to allow each other this freedom will always admire and be attracted to the other for that reason alone.

    As far a committment is concerned – it’s a natural reaction to the above. People don’t leave the sides of those who “liberate” them and provide the perfect, completely open and understanding environment to not only lead the life they truly want but to share it with their best friend and person who inspires them the most. This by far is the most important concept. Your mate must be your refuge from disappointments and well as your inspirational muse and when that takes place a life long fusion in born between two people. (It’s what you experienced between Music Man and yourself for a period, from what you say, and how you reacted. The unfortunate thing is that we typically only get one of those in our lifes because the extraordinary attributes of the two people that are discovered to be exactly in sync is akin to lightning strking the same place twice – in the Sahara desert.)

    Patience and giving are the other keys – but you’ve already written about that and do beleive you now understand that….

  2. and interesting paradigm how to lead any meeting into a successful relationship, something most genders have been wondering in the biggest part of a liberated and modern world. now where the genders traditional roles are reversed and and changed it is hard to find out how and where to start getting to know an other person. so some guidelines are a good start and both you you have very valid points. I think it is important to start with recognizing that people are individuals and where a strong emotion as love or passion comes into play, all rules goes out the window as free will interferes and we all have heard the saying that all is fair in love and war, so setting guidelines are a good way to establish some sense of order in the chaos of life ( I deliberately did not call them rules as that would tie peoples hands and hamper their free will and most lightly doom most future relationships)

    now working on guidelines I think one must be added for ourselves, start with 0; find out what makes you happy and unhappy (easier) and look into yourself and realize what you want yourself as you embark on a journey with someone new.
    it takes but minutes to realize if we are attracted to somebody or not, that is a given if we are we need to define what we want ourselves. fast hot and heavy or really to get to know the new person and seek a long term serious relationship. I only mention the book ends of men/women relation as there are many other undefinable nuances of interaction, and naturally some one night first dates can result in a long term relationship or even marriage, but if we drop clothes and have a steamy first night we really have shown all our cards so to say, and to a degree signaled the other person what we want, ie; “I want you on a physical level but really don’t respect you enough to get to know you first and tomorrow it will just be a fond memory” on the other hand if we adhere to Pat Allan like principals we wont even get to the bedroom unless engaged, witch is quite unrealistic also, so a middle ground would have to be found. and for this a set of guidelines can be a good idea.

    now I would love to see a study made of happy married couples as to how long they dated before they had sex? and how many one night stands led to even a relationship, I believe to make the best guidelines we should study what happily married couples did as they seem to have found the right balance, unfortunately it may prove that there really are no rules or guidelines witch can apply to a hot topic as love, but I think it is important that should we set guidelines they must be flexibly and agreed on by both the dating parties. being the goal for both that they are seeking the end goal a happy marriage, then at least they will agree on the possibly end and it will make it easier to define the path.
    should I make a comment as I personally see the dating and sexually interaction’s around me in this modern society, (I am quite open to just about everything, us Europeans you know) I think just maybe people should take their time before jumping into bed together, even if its only going to be once, sex is a personal and beautiful part of us and it should be earned, like respect and trust, Sex should not be given away it should be enjoyed and cherished as we should one another, so perhaps let the trust and respect come first, then all the fun..
    we all heard about the 3 date rule for dating, I could see us adding a few more steps to this rule witch indeed would enhance the chance for a successful relationship.

    so all in all you are both right, guidelines allowing two people to actually get to know one another truly before committing to a serious relationship have many advantages, as long as both people have agreed to them.

    and on the other hand free will must be allowed to prevail and love have to drive the train, so people don’t get bogged down with rules and regulations of what when and how. nothing like rules to kill off a great flirtation, (flirtation being within the relationship not with the waitress)

    regardless as long as both parties are respected, feel loved and wanted, and the communication is always open it might just work;-)

    c

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