Open versus Monogamous Relationships

What are your behavioral patterns in a relationship?  What is preventing you from achieving your goals of intimacy?


One thought on “Open versus Monogamous Relationships

  1. Welcome to the new world…or perhaps it should just be called a new evolutionary time zone – until it actually becomes the “new world” of how humans behave. It’s this limbo between zones that is tough and fraught with conflicting choices. It’s a zone where women, especially beautiful women of individuality and spirit, are faced with so many conflicts. They want love AND excitement but to have the excitement it seems a woman must sacrifice love, and to have the love means sacrificing excitement – its maddening.

    The only cure is a relationship where both can coexist. Where love is kept alive and “burning” by the excitement both partners create. It can be done. The only problem is matching these two evolved people together.

    It is so sad and I am ashamed of the men of the world who cannot appreciate the raw excitement and heat realized when they overecome their insecurities and allow their women to be free. A free, self-actualized, unhibited woman is the most astounding thing in the universe. It’s most fascinating and inspirational to experience – and generates incredible passion. But, sadly, most all men lack the strength to allow this wonderful phenomenon to take place.

    You say the open male makes you nervous. That’s because you know that he is, in fact, unpredictable and you’d prefer to feel consistently loved which would relax you. The conventional man is lackluster because he is absent the sense of self that would make him more compatible with your evolved state of thinking. Staying with him would ultimately mean being too relaxed – comfortable but bored. Don’t forget the myth of “in love”. It does occur but it doesn’t last; but not for lack of desire – it’s a brain chemistry thing. As that chemistry returns to normal a conventional relationship built (with every best intention) on love turns to a pleasant friendship over time as the love-generated brain returns to normal. You end up with a roomate after a year that may ulitmately get on your nerves (explains the divorce rate).

    Better to transform the unpredictable guy into a friend and lover and learn to appreciate the lack of predictability as bearing the neverending potential for surprise and, therefore, excitement. To love and attract the love of an open person means love AND excitement for years to come. But, once again, we are talking about less the 1% of the population of men so you won’t find them on just any street corner.

    My advice, Femm, is to remain a little aprehensive for the sake of excitement and if you truly “accept” the unpredictable person without introducing anger or frustration about their lack of predictability then they will come to realize that you have provided them with the ultimate gift of freedom and love you for it. In time the unpredictability will vanish as the open person, who needs love as well (but may not show it) will love you deeply as one of the few that truly understands him.

    I know two people who, for a time, experienced this and it was amazing how much they felt for and were drawn to each other. The unpredictability leading to the frustration thing you mentioned got in the way after some time but I’m reliably informed that they loved each other more deeply than they had ever experienced before.

    No matter what, though, in the end relish in your evolved state of mind and don’t punish your self for others not being there. THEY need to catch up; you don’t need to regress to meet their underdeveloped standards and emotional weaknesses. The world needs more people like you…

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