Sex is not a relationship. Sex is a physical, biochemically driven act. There is no evidence that chemicals are released in a woman’s brain that initiates a bonding with a man she has sex with. Both sexes can form bonds from sex – or not – depending upon circumstances. But the choice to employ intellect and see the act as purely pleasure, purely physical is a quality humans possess; otherwise each sexual liaison would lead to a relationship. Taking it from there, relationships form from time spent with someone where spending that time together results in a mutual desire to spend more time. It’s over time that a bond grows, not in an instant (or 30 minutes of sex). Sex can be great (even better) when there are no strings attached. Most men understand this too.
Our emotions come into play when we are feeling “underpowered” such as when we are sick, stressed, etc. At those times we can view sex as an emotional event, when we are not already attached emotionally to the person, because we need and want the emotional support. At those times the touch of another human can be comforting and soothing and make us feel (mistakenly) that we are emotionally attached (or could be) to the person providing it.
Many marriages are engaged in for this reason and then end (badly) because the two people find out later that they were just looking for a “port in a storm” and mislead themselves about their feelings.
Getting back to the “friendship rules” concept, it is completely true that a relationship is dependent on the many things that happen before and after sex – not on what happens in bed. If we like the person, enjoy their company, conversation, value system, etc. then we can become “close” to them. Sex can add to this but cannot make up for its absence. We must learn to be friends and then a relationship builds. Women need to understand this so that they can expect less and, thus, be hurt less.
See the world and its realities and the road to happiness is paved with a surface of realism. There is great value to sex and the value of a good relationship and know that they are separate things.