Sex is not a Relationship

Sex is not a relationship.  Sex is a physical, biochemically driven act.   There is no evidence that chemicals are released in a woman’s brain that initiates a bonding with a man she has sex with.  Both sexes can form bonds from sex – or not – depending upon circumstances.  But the choice to employ intellect and see the act as purely pleasure, purely physical is a quality humans possess; otherwise each sexual liaison would lead to a relationship.   Taking it from there, relationships form from time spent with someone where spending that time together results in a mutual desire to spend more time.  It’s over time that a bond grows, not in an instant (or 30 minutes of sex).   Sex can be great (even better) when there are no strings attached.  Most men understand this too.

Our emotions come into play when we are feeling “underpowered” such as when we are sick, stressed, etc.  At those times we can view sex as an emotional event, when we are not already attached emotionally to the person, because we need and want the emotional support.  At those times the touch of another human can be comforting and soothing and make us feel (mistakenly) that we are emotionally attached (or could be) to the person providing it.

Many marriages are engaged in for this reason and then end (badly) because the two people find out later that they were just looking for a “port in a storm” and mislead themselves about their feelings.

Getting back to the “friendship rules” concept, it is completely true that a relationship is dependent on the many things that happen before and after sex – not on what happens in bed.  If we like the person, enjoy their company, conversation, value system, etc. then we can become “close” to them.  Sex can add to this but cannot make up for its absence.  We must learn to be friends and then a relationship builds.  Women need to understand this so that they can expect less and, thus, be hurt less.

See the world and its realities and the road to happiness is paved with a surface of realism.  There is great value to sex and the value of a good relationship and know that they are separate things.


One thought on “Sex is not a Relationship

  1. Nicely put. Something tells me I know a contributing author to your piece, but nevertheless you have captured and explained the most misunderstood concept on the planet – the difference between love and sex. I wish there were more women out there like you that understood this simple division; we’d see less broken hearts; less feelings of trust misplaced; more uninhibited bliss – the list is endless. Humans are so fragile and emotionally retarded. Many of my colleagues in the therapeutic profession claim it’s getting worse by the year. We’ve become more insecure and have given up on any effort to evolve emotionally. Whole countries cover there women from head to toe as if that will disuade them or other men from fantasizing about them. Other planets must look at us (secretly using tremendous technology) and laugh at our foolishness and childishness. Thank-you for blogging this. I hope a lot of women AND men read this and wise up.

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