Sad feelings overwhelmed her mind as she felt distant from family and friends. She wallows in shame and guilt as she judges her behavior, hypothesizing over what is right and wrong. She looks at things in a binary view without realizing other perspectives. She only feels shame and ridicule of herself.
There is no right or wrong, there is a system of multiplicity. What works for one person may not for another but who has the right to decide what is suitable versus immoral? We all do the best we can with the knowledge we are given and the values set within.
Her story begins with her attachment to her mother. As a daughter with an insecure attachment, she judged her mother’s behavior for marrying her fourth husband after dating for a short period of time. She not only found a man who she loves but has a large family and they soon started a major project to renovate his house. Her her dismay, she discounted her decision because it was the same scenario with her previous husband. He had a large family and just after the marriage they modernized the house.
She feels lonely and longs to belong, connect and be apart of a lifelong commitment as her mom endeavors. She understood her mother’s isolation wore on her psyche. When she met her husband, perhaps it was love at first sight; perhaps not, but who isto judge. As long as she is happy, that is all that matters. By judging and not acknowledging her mother’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors she depleted her mother’s happiness.
She also has an insecure attachment with her father and lost respect for him because she didn’t agree his decisions. He married women who were passionate, strong-willed and independent. He never had a job more than a year, soon granted an inheritance but let it dwindle away, declared bankruptcy and is searching again for job after job. He hurt deeply and longed for a woman to save him from his pain and sorry. She now realizes that it is time to stop parenting her parents and take care of herself. As children age, parents and children can find support and understanding in friendship. Stop the codependency and allow the person to learn and grow on their own in their own time.
The more judgment protrayed on oneself, the more one ridicules and judges another. She realized she judged her ex-boyfriend. He found it exciting for a woman to sleep with many men rationalizing the notion that variety is the spice of life. However, just because one likes novelty in different restaurants, places, and meeting new people doesn’t mean they want to sleep with multiple people. Understanding personal values and affirming them is important in setting boundaries for a healthy relationship.
Through exploration, learning and growth, new insight and appreciation for diversity in relationships, thoughts, and behaviors, enables diffrentiation without judgment. Be true to yourself and live your own life according to your own rules. There is no right or wrong; just tolerance and acceptance.