Was it Love?

Was I in love or addicted to pain; the pain of wanting something that is intangible?

They say that when you are in love, you are in the same state of mind as people with obsessive compulsive disorder.  A professor at the University of Pisa in Italy studies the biochemistry of love-sickness. She concluded from a study comparing the blood of 24 subjects who had fallen in love, subjects who were obsessive compulsive and another group that were free from both passion and mental illness.   She concluded that levels of serotonin in people with obsessive compulsive disorder and lovers are forty percent lower than those in normal subjects. Thus there is a direct correlation to the chemical profiles between love and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Did I behave in a manner that was inflicted upon a state of temporary mental illness or was I just incoherent to whom I truly am in hopes of obtaining a love?  I believe I acted in state willingly and openly perhaps for love but also for my own curiosity and zest to explore undiscovered territory.

I grazed an unfamiliar pasture, enjoyed grazing there for awhile as I learned and discovered new ideas and philosophies but I realize now the best pasture I continually want to graze today. It is one commanding respect, establishing boundaries and only positive energy that enables meaningful relationships and ones that last a lifetime.

Life experiences give us the opportunity to decide what we like and don’t like.  As the saying goes, “You never know until you try.”

This is time-honored wisdom that encourages us to be game rather than to hold back.  “Take a bite out of life.”  It is only through experience that we learn about this world and ourselves.  Even if we regret the outcome, we have learned something and the new-found knowledge is almost always worth it.

This wisdom can be applied to situations large and small from trying tofu to sailing.  As in my case, it was an exploration into my sexuality, men and gender prejudices.   It is the self-knowledge gained from my experience that is irreplaceable.

It is often said that at the end of our lives we are more likely to regret the things we did not do than the things we did.  Being aware of the opportunities missed might encourage you not to miss them again.

CB and I

Today I am quite tired.  I had a hard time falling asleep after going to bed at 2am.  I talked to music man just prior to bed for a long time and he distracts my train of thought.   I wasn’t able to sleep well and watched the clock on and off through out the wee hours of the morning.

I was finally able to sleep lightly, but the noise from the construction at 8am was a consistent distraction.  Anyway, it has made for a slow day.  I have almost finished my laundry, paid a toll road ticket, walked it to the mailbox, returned match.com e-mails, and thought continually about how I want to conduct my week.

I thought of all the guys whom I had fucked, the good times and bad.  Each person is a unique personality, characteristics and responds differently.  I have learned so much about myself, the way men think and how they respond to an open, sexual woman such as myself.   Today my plan is just to be with CB since I am so tired.  I hope to go to bed early and be refreshed for tomorrow.

Later that evening, CB came by and I still wasn’t in a great mood.  I was like that all day.  I felt off.  I guess because I was tired.  There seems to be something more though, perhaps it has something to do with my conversation with music man.

CB and I planned a new strategy for our date tonight.  We thought it would be exciting to fuck first, go to dinner and then return home to more fun in the bedroom.

CB walked through the front door and we greeted each other with many kisses.  He is not one with lots of passion.  He is a typical, brutish type male and pecks with tight lips.  We continue to kiss in the hallway and I try to force my tongue in his mouth, but again there’s no passion so we go back to the pecking.

Since the pecking certainly wasn’t getting me in the mood, I decided to unbutton his shirt.  As I unbuttoned his shirt, he asked, “Do you want to continue in the bedroom?”  I thought that was a good idea and we walked into the bedroom.  He laid flat on his back with his arms over head as I continued to unbutton his shirt down to his pants and then unbuttoned his jeans, zipped them undone, went down to his shoes, untied each shoe and then took them off one by one.  I held the end of his jean legs and pulled them off from his legs.  He was kind enough to take off his own underwear and socks so that I could undress myself quickly as he watched.   I was a little aggravated as I was doing all the “work” and all he did was lay like a lump of a log on my bed as I aroused him, but certainly not myself.

I wrapped my mouth around the head of his cock and moved it down the shaft.  I placed one hand around his balls and fondled them gently and moved the other hand up and down his hard shaft as my mouth enveloped the head; sliding down.  My hand followed my mouth up and down his dick as my tongue swooped around, coating him with moistness and warmth.

He soon said, “I am about to cum.  If you want part of this, you better get in the action soon.”  So I quickly got on top of him and tried to insert his cock inside me.  My pussy was really tight and wasn’t moist.  He didn’t do anything for me to reciprocate my efforts except lay there flat on the bed.  I wanted to feel his cock inside me as I thought it might improve my mood.  I abstained yesterday and I know a good fuck usually puts me in jovial spirits.  I needed some stimulation and juices to help my disappointment in his lack of participation.  I used saliva from my mouth and smoothed it around the head of his cock and it was still difficult to open me up.  In my efforts, he lost his erection.  He said, “You almost broke me in half.”  It added tension in the air as if it was my fault.  But again, help a girl out.  Participate!

I went down on him again to get him hard.  I put my ass in his face so that he could get me wet.  He doesn’t have the tongue skills to get me excited, but he has lots of saliva.  After he was hard, I thought I may go for my usual position with my back facing him and me riding on top.  But I really wanted my legs open and him to do some work.  It would be nice if you showed some interest and effort.  I was the one exerting myself.  I like a cock but I also like one to par take in the action.  Nothing comes completely free in this world.

He finally got up, turned around and I opened my legs wide as he was at last able to insert himself.  I noticed for the first time, he doesn’t know how to fuck.  That is why I am always doing all the work.  At this point, I was just trying to enjoy things as much as possible.  I didn’t want to instruct. Everything else had been a struggle before so why add to it.  He did his thing and I enjoyed visualizing that I got a cock inside me.  I visualized its hardness, girth, and length; penetrating me deeply.  I envisioned it going in and out my pussy as juices oozed out.  My visualization made me cum and then cum once more.  He then came and it was great to finally feel release.

We lay on the bed and he asked about my day and I vice versa.  He talked about something new he had learned from an executive co-worker regarding his emotion and not letting it affect his professional conduct.

We got up.  I went to the restroom to clean and freshen-up.  We got dressed and out the door we went to dinner.  Dinner was delightful despite a stomach ache.  I thought it would get better with food and maybe some alcohol.  Regardless we had stimulating conversation about our travels, heritage, upbringing, religion, and politics.

After dinner we came back to my place again.  I excused myself to the restroom and he sat on the couch.  I came out to greet him while he still sat on the couch.  We kissed, pecked, and then he said would you like to continue this in the bedroom.

We walked into the bedroom and I quickly began undressing.  As I was almost undressed he made a comment regarding my unmade bed.  I had done laundry earlier in the day but did not have the time to completely make my bed before his arrival earlier.  He suggested I should at least put the bottom sheet on.  I began to make the bed as he finished undressing.  As I was adjusting the bottom sheet he slapped me on my ass and wanted my attention.  I thought to myself, it certainly would be nice to have some help.  The disrespectful slap on my ass, certainly doesn’t get me in the sexual mood.

I didn’t mention my thoughts and stopped making the bed, finished getting undressed, and then saw to his needs as he lay on my bed.  My hands were cold and his hard cock quickly disappeared with my attempts of caressing him with my hands.     I tried using lube to help, but even with the lube and my cold hands he wasn’t responding.  He just complained.  He said let’s just lye here.  He said, “Let’s spoon.”  So we spooned as he looked at my body and caressed it with his eyes and hands.  He kept complimenting the beauty of my body and face.  I repeatedly said, thank you and he got hard again and was ready.

As we lay in the spoon position, he attempted to slip his dick inside my pussy, but again my pussy was tight.  He asked, “Do I have the right spot?”  I assured him he did but I was just tight.   I can only conclude that my body wasn’t responding well because I felt unappreciated.  My pussy muscles certainly react quickly to my state of mind.

Again I tried visualizing because I wasn’t feeling anything at the moment.  I tried to make the best of the situation, as it certainly was an awkward night.  He finally was able to find his way inside me and after some penetration, I was able to cum.

I asked, “Do you feel me cum?  He said, “Yes”.  But it wasn’t a convincible response.  It was said in a tone of yeah, sure, whatever you say.  There was no substance or real meaning behind it.

I then asked, “Are you going to give me some creaminess?”  Again, he responded in the same unpersuasive manner.  Things just weren’t right and we stopped.  He asked, “Are you tired? I replied, “Yes” but should have revealed my true feelings that I was disappointed in his lack of participation and care toward my needs.  It was all one-sided.  We decided to give up for now and try again another day.

I excused myself to the restroom and thought about the events.  I wondered what I did from his perspective or perhaps it was my attitude.  I know I wasn’t in the best of moods, but I certainly was accommodating to his needs.  Maybe it was because I didn’t see or feel any efforts reciprocated.  Regardless there was tension.

When I exited the restroom, I asked, “What was wrong tonight?” He said, “Everything is fine.  I had a wonderful time.   I really enjoy your company.”

So we left it as that; a somewhat awkward evening, but a success no less.  I guess as with any day regardless whether it is personal or business; you have good days and you have bad days.  You just pick and choose your battles.

Focus on the Good and Wash Badness Away

Instead of focusing on the bad in the world and everything that is going wrong, focus on the good.  The more we focus on the good, the more good will manifest and overcome the bad; creating more goodness, decency, kindness, honesty, integrity and righteousness.  With the power of a global community centering attention and energy only on goodness, bad will disappear.  We no longer have time for the bad and wrong!

A Dull Scottish to an Exciting Business Traveler

Tonight was an interesting evening continuing my research on the thought process of man.  I met with Drew for the second time and I thought I got things clear via e-mail and from my last visit that I wanted to have sex.  Apparently my communication was not clear enough.  He arrived at my apartment complex and I met him outside.  I had made reservations at a local spot and we enjoyed a nice dinner with light conversation.  After dinner was complete and as we were driving he wanted to know if there was a coffee shop near by to go.  I wanted to know what do you do at a coffee shop at 9pm.  He said you drink decaffeinated coffee and read a book.  Why would I want to go to a coffee shop with someone and read a book? That sounded boring, like watching grass grow.  I enjoy reading but isn’t the point of being with someone especially in the beginning of the relationship is to get to know one another.  You can go to a coffee shop and read anytime, when you are with someone don’t you want to talk or enjoy physical passion.  He said, “We can go to my place and watch television together or talk some more.  I told him I don’t watch television by myself why would I want to do that with someone.  And we had talked for over an hour during dinner, what else do you want to know?

Anyway, we walked up to the entry way of my apartment complex and had a deep conversation about my agenda which was sex.  He said he wanted a relationship and wanted to get to know me more.  I asked what else he needed to know.  He didn’t have a reply.  In response to his relationship issue, I said I was too busy for a relationship.  In other words, I don’t want to be claimed by you.

We lightly kissed and said good-bye.  I walked up my stairway frustrated and needed a drink.  I decided to freshen up and go to a local hotel bar where there is usually people who are not from the area and a lot more opened minded.

I walked into the hotel and sat at the bar and ordered a drink.  Immediately I had a gentleman approach me with his friend.  We had pleasant conversation with lots of hidden meaning.  He was intrigued about me being a Life Coach and he assured me of his job security and financial security.  He was married once prior but spoke of marriage frequently throughout our conversation.  I look back and realize he was testing my thought process and testing my thinking ability in his continual reference.

I asked why he referred to marriage so much.  He said he wanted someone he wanted a travel companion.  I said can’t you get that through friends and he replied yes and he already has that.  So again I ask so then what is it about marriage that draws you?  He said he wanted children.  His friend made a good point that men are never too old to have children and I complied in return with yes, all it takes is having the ability to cum.  Women are the one’s who have the clocks ticking.  Again I ask what is the attraction?  He now referred to this Slavic woman.  He talked about her as not being communicative.  Before he was talking how communication is key.  I said yes communication is key, but it is the words chosen that are most importance not necessarily all the words spoken.  He knew I was somewhat insulting him because he talked a lot without getting to the real issues.  The Slavic woman apparently had an affect on him because I asked why he stayed with her if she couldn’t communicate well and it left him feeling frustrated.  He said she had a really nice body.  I said, oh so she was a good fuck.  I noticed his friend was a little shocked in my comment, but my new friend didn’t seem to bat a lash.  I liked that.  He was beginning to have more balls than I thought.

Our conversation got even better once his friend left.  He seemed to stop pretending and was more real.  In fact, he grabbed me and stuck his tongue down my throat while sitting at the bar.  Even I was in shock.  He said he liked my kisses and I said it gets even better.  This led the conversation to more interesting areas.  I told him everyone wants to be free; free to be who they are as an individual.    He was quite intuitive and asked if I was an only child.  I responded yes and he said he is too.  I asked how he knew.  He said he knew because I was more of an individual.  I wonder if being an only child does affect one to understand where their core values lie.  With siblings, there is competition and many distractions to hinder one’s thinking ability to understand what they think and not what they are taught to think.

At this point, I had discussed my philosophy in a relationship.  I said that if two people are independent personally, and financially independent each person knows they can walk at any time.  He responded agreeing.  He thought I was more of a European woman or of the early 19^th century.  I told him I thought of myself as more futuristic.  I said there is another element once you are personally and financially independent if you are an attractive person and have many options outside the relationship.  Meaning you have even more options as an individual.  However a true love with those qualities never dies no matter what happens outside the relationship.  In fact, it strengthens the bond because each person can walk at anytime but they choose to come back.  They have their core foundation of love that keeps them returning.

He didn’t react at all to my comments; in fact, he seemed to really value what I was saying and kept referring to Italy.  He stated my concept is how they live in Italy.  I am sold; I want to go to Italy.  Perhaps live.  I am so tired of living in a country where people are afraid to be themselves; their true, deep self that they discover over years of personal development, thought, and experience.  You can’t just make a style and declare this is who you are especially if you are not sure even what you are stating.

We left the bar together and walked to his hotel across the street.  As soon as we entered the hotel room, we kissed and I began to take off my clothes.  He was particular because he said he didn’t give me permission to take off my clothes.  I said I didn’t think I needed permission.  I think he was still testing my wit.  I ignored it and he took off his clothes and strategically places them on the chair.   I moved to the middle of the bed and he cupped my breasts in his hands as he licked around the nipples and lightly kissed each one.  I told him I’d rather feel him inside me.  I had waited long enough between my dinner date and now to finally feel a cock inside me.  He tried to insert himself but I told him he needed some lubrication. He got some lotion and caressed his dick as he moistened it.  He got on his knees, massaging the head of his cock as I spread my legs wide.  He said he liked to watch and looked down to watch myself easily slide inside my highly anticipated pussy.  It felt so good to feel a cock slip in easily.  The past couple of days I was with confused individuals and it was a relief to finally have someone who understands my natural desires and actually appreciate them.  He drove his cock deep into my pussy and I came.  He wanted to continue and loved being inside me.  I liked having him there as he made me cum.  It felt good to release myself and feel the admiration and appreciation.  He came.  I could feel his cock relinquish his creaminess into my pussy.  My pussy was filled with cum and the thought made me cum.  It held him tight with passion as I came with cum inside me.  It was so exciting to feel the liberation between us, no judgment, and just pure ecstasy for the moment.

He laid there on top of me as I caressed his skin.  He said he liked the way I touched him.  I felt comfortable, wanted, accepted, and very relaxed.

After a few minutes, I got up to clean myself in the restroom, got dressed.  We exchanged business cards and I departed to my car as he fell asleep sound my the ending of his day.

Tonight was such an interesting night because I was able to converse over dinner with a very conservative, farmland boy who just ventured out of his Scottish town seven years ago and decided to live in the three most conservative areas in America; Tennessee, Michigan, and Oregon.  Thus he had not experienced enough and broadens his scope of learning to understand his own natural response.  The last time we got together his body responded with a nice, hard cock, ready for action but his bigger head stated otherwise.  Even over a week since our time apart, he wasn’t able to understand his own body’s response.

I go from extremely conservative to a worldly, independent, thought provoking individual who has no trouble meeting at a bar, having one drink, and then go back to his hotel room to fuck.  How odd and extreme is that?  I experienced these two types opposite types of personalities in one night.  All I can equate the difference to is one was well traveled and experienced life more.  The other spent many hours alone, home playing his guitar after working alone at his computer.  He grew up in a very small, farm town in Scotland where religion rules the land.  Who is right here?

I know I felt more at home with the worldly, educated, traveled, and experienced gentleman than the other.

The Pianist

Tonight I had dinner with a world famous pianist.  We had very liberating conversation.  We had spoken on the phone for about 45 minutes once about two weeks prior and I succeeded in opening his mind just a little.  He said, I need a girl friend to make me focus more so that I don’t go out as often.”  I asked, “Why would you want that?  Would a woman like that really excite you?”  He instantly responded, “A woman who wants to stay home all the time is not what I want.”   In my opinion, he didn’t know what he wanted and needed some personal soul searching.

In our lengthy discussion we discussed everything from viruses being dispersed through asteroids in the universe to my writing.  He seemed to be fascinated with my writing and what I was writing about.  He wanted me to analyze him and tell him what I thought of him.  I told him he needed to get out more and interact with females on a regular basis.  I explained that his daily activities conducting business with men, either in person or on the phone, is only superficial and to really have an elevating affect on your confidence you have to interact on a more “intimate” level.  Since he is highly heterosexual that would mean interacting more with females.  It made complete sense to him.  He admitted that you don’t know what the core of a person consists of until you get intimate with them.

I also asked him to tell me the wildest thing he had ever done.  He knew exactly what I was talking about but was shy about answering.  He did say he had a hard time being naked around someone.  I knew there was many, deep insecurities within him when he confided that tidbit.  So I thought I’d model some behavior for him by relaying the wildest thing I have ever done which was have a threesome with two men and myself.  He said his brother has slept with two girls at once.  We then started discussing homosexuality.  I assured him I am only interested in men, and he said he has never had a desire to be with a man.  He did share that when he was in his early 20’s a gay friend talked him into trying some things.  He didn’t go into specifics and I didn’t ask, but he just said, he didn’t like it and was now REALLY sure he only liked women.

We talked more about his music and how his friend suggested that he have a woman scantily dressed on top of his piano as he is playing.  Sometimes he plays with two other pianists and has three women, one on each piano, as they play.  I suggest he play the piano and have a couple fuck to the rhythm of his music and after the guy cums, the woman masturbates to the finale of the song.  And then he could get up from the piano stool and fuck one of the girls – or he has someone from the audience come up.  He loved the idea.  He said right away, he wanted to discuss it with his business partner.  He said it would take his show to a whole new level.  I said, yeah, and you would also help evolve people’s minds.  He loved the idea.  We will see where it leads.

We made it back to his place, I used the restroom and turned on the audio and put my purse in the bedroom.  I met him in the kitchen where he was making tea.  I sat down with my tea and he played one song for me on his piano.  As I listened I thought the song was perfect for my idea because it was so romantic and full of passion.  He showed me his marketing posters earlier and they had a sexy, sensual, seductive edge with pianist playing and a woman in the foreground moving in a white, flowing gown that showed all her curves.  He then played another song for me.  It was great to watch his hands glide across the keys.  There was such passion in his performance.  The phone rang while he was playing.  He stopped, turned the phone off, and then went right back to where he left off.  He didn’t need to begin the song again.  It was amazing the control he had.  If he would just let go of all his inhibitions it would affect everything else in his life and his music would rise to a new level.

We passionately kissed in the living room where his three pianos are laid.  He was a great kisser.  I knew he had lots of passion from listening to him.  I wanted to feel him inside me so we moved ourselves to the bedroom.  I got completely undressed and he got unclothed except for his t-shirt – shyness again, I surmised.  We again kissed passionately.  I felt down for his cock and surprisingly he had a really nice, big cock, and it was hard.  That just meant he truly wanted to fuck me but he was experiencing some inhibiting nonsense in his head.  He said he should have known what to expect from me from our dinner conversation.

We covered the STD’s topic, birth control, sleeping with other people, expectations, you name it.  Usually this happens on the third date, not first, he kept saying.  I asked, “Why wait?  Is there something you learn in between that really makes a difference?”  What is realized in that time period other than time being lost?  He argued that it had already been a great date; I said it could even get better.  He knew I was right.  It is funny to watch guys who aren’t used to such a forward-thinking woman.  All they can do is laugh an anxious laugh.

After many minutes of kissing and convincing, he finally got inside me.  His cock felt so good inside my anticipating pussy.  I was on the verge of cumming but I could tell he was holding back and was timid in his approach.  He stopped.  He couldn’t go through with it anymore.  It was interesting.  He wanted me to stay the night or at least just stay longer.  We talked more and I helped ease his mind.

We started to kiss again.  He loved my tongue and how it dances all over his mouth.  He loved my soft lips and how they felt again his.  We definitely fit well together in our kisses.  They got me so excited though that I wanted to feel his cock some more.  I thought just maybe he would attempt once again.  He had already been inside me once, why not finish?  But no, no such luck.

I was loosing interest because I had made great strides in our conversation and many attempts at fucking but without success.  We got dressed and discussed getting together again soon.  I hope he will perform better next time.  Now he knows what to expect.

A New Stage

CY and I have entered the don’t ask, don’t tell stage.  It is a great stage because we are able to just enjoy each other’s company without any stress, anxiety or demands.  Whatever we do outside our time together is irrelevant.  We just focus on the here and now.   It is what I want nowadays.  There is no pressure or expectations; just pure bliss.

He even stopped me on the street as we were walking to tell me he really appreciated me in his life and how he is able to openly communicate and share his life with me.  I thought that was so nice that we are comfortable and content with what we are able to give at the moment. We are able to sit back, relax and enjoy each other to our fullest capacity.

We had an eventful night with conversation at various venues, two to be exact, just a stop at one twice.  As the drinks began to flow, the conversation got better with the evening.  Tonight I was free of angst but CY was tired from his work week and a little off.  It didn’t matter once he had a drink, he soon relaxed and eased into the night.

Once we made it home, our moods matched perfectly.  We had the same goal in mind; to fuck, release any residual anxiety and feel the most glorious sensation in the world, an orgasm (hopefully more than one).  Plus burn some calories from our dinner. We laughed as we discussed how much better great sex is for digestion than from the acidity of a lemon, a walk around the block, or pretty much any other activity or food you can consume.

At home after I retreated from the bathroom, I came out to find a magnificent sight.  There was CY, a handsome, naked man underneath my sheets.  As I took off my dress I was eager to see what was beneath the covers.  I was specifically looking for a hard cock but when I felt underneath, he was semi-hard, but the more I undressed and sucked his cock, the harder he got.  As I had him inside my mouth moving from the base to the head, wrapping my tongue all around his shaft, I felt his cock grow rock hard in my hands.  I had his cock in my mouth with one hand around the shaft and his balls in the other hand.  I felt his balls get smaller and his cock get larger.  It is so exciting to feel a cock grow as I hear the moaning excitement build in the owner.

When I could wait no longer I got on top of him and slipped my pussy over his dick.  As my pussy slips over his cock I cum.  As I grind in more, I cum more.  It is great to have such control.  He then flips me over onto my back, I spread my legs, and he enters again.  I love to spread my legs wide so that the cock can penetrate really deep and hit the bottom of my pussy.  He grabs underneath to my ass and raises me up so that he can grind in even deeper.  It makes me cum ferociously.

But I want more.  I can tell he is holding back because he is on the verge of cumming.  I like to just feel someone let go; let it all hang out; release all your inhibitions and enjoy the moment to its fullest.  He wants the moment to last and he holds back to extend the moment.  I like that too, but there is nothing like the release.  The release doesn’t even have to be cumming, but just letting go.  He is too overwhelmed at this point to be there.  So the release is him just cumming.  I am okay with it because I know he will explode soon.

He puts one leg on his shoulder and turns me to my side.  I hold on to his ass with my left hand and he holds on to back.  We grind into each other as deep as we can go.  I cum again.  He almost positions me to put both my legs on his shoulders, but he says he cums like that every time and wanted to cum with his body was close to mine where my eyes are open on  him.  It was a new request that I thought a bit peculiar.  I think he just wanted to feel more connected to me and felt if I saw him cum, we would be.

With all these conditions in place he came.  I felt this rush of juice through his dick and explode out the head.  It released into a scattered creaminess filling my pussy as his cock pumped and gyrated inside me.  It makes me cum every time.

As he got softer I didn’t want him to leave my pussy because I knew I could squeeze more cum from his cock.  As I squeeze, I visualize the fluid fill inside me and I came again.  We finally uncoupled and rested at each other’s side.   We are both jovial and light in our conversation.  We discussed talking during sex and how it enhances the experience.  He even said now that he talks he could never go back.  That means as you evolve more in your head, you never want to go back to what you were before.  What you are experiencing now is so much better, why would you want to.  There is so much more to explore.  Once you open the door, you only want to continue the journey inward.  The door has been opened for us now.  It will be exciting to see where it leads.

I also explained the sensation I feel and visualize as he cums.  He said he had never had it explained so well and now he understood why I like it so much.  I think I even got him excited with my explanation.  It is an exciting journey to watch someone grow and evolve.  I look forward to the journey continuing.

Lunch and Dinner Date

I met another guy from an online dating service at the Ivy for lunch.  I arrived first and he was dropped off a few minutes later.  It was quite a comical sight to see through the window as I watched from inside the restaurant.  He got out of the car and then two other guys got out to exchange seats, one was a very flamboyant gay and the other was your typical LA entourage type.

We greeted at the entrance way and he tried to play Mr. Big Shot mumbling that it’s okay that his usual table is taken.  We sat down in the patio area and talked.  We talked for quite some time before even ordering food.  We talked about everything – philosophy, psychology, politics, religion, travel, cultures – you name it, and we covered the topic.  It was good conversation, just a little longer than I had hoped.

Regardless, I drove him to his house and we gave me a tour.  He has the most gorgeous house on the beach with fabulous electric art and furnishings.  It got the grand tour and full explanation of his paintings, but I wasn’t interested in seeing or hearing about his art or house.  I finally ran my finger down his chest and pulled him in closer with a tug on his shirt so that we could kiss.  We had a fabulous, passionate kiss by the stairway going to his bedroom.  I tantalized him with my lips and tongue.  He felt up my dress to my panties and I unbuttoned his shirt to feel his skin.  I felt his cock, that wasn’t quite hard yet, and I had a thought that he may not be able to get it hard after all the alcohol he drank.  We shared a bottle of wine and then he had two gimlets.  I was concerned he was an alcoholic and it may hurt his libido.  Fortunately, I was wrong.

We kissed for a while by the stairway.  Then I took a breath to say, “Wow I wonder what affects you can have in the bedroom – let’s go find out”.  We proceeded up the stairway to his over-sized bedroom over looking the ocean.  I stripped down to my panties still wearing my shoes and he was amazed at my body and its curvature.  He got undressed and then helped me with my panties so quickly I had a hard time slipping them around my shoes.

He picked me up from the floor and walked me to the top of the bed and laid me down.  He got on top of me and we kissed more as we fondled each other’s genitals.  He went down between my legs and softly licked my clitoris, but all I wanted was his cock.  His tongue felt good caressing my pussy but the anticipation was too much.  I wanted it so badly and I told him that.  All of a sudden he was inside me.  Those were the magic words.  He certainly didn’t need any convincing.

As soon as he thrust inside, I came.  I can’t believe how my body is responding lately.  It is amazing.  I thought it was the emotion, but it’s not.  It’s just me understanding my mind and body and letting it all go.  I release all my inhibitions and then there is pure ecstasy.

I cum and I squeeze him out a few times, but it is so glorious I don’t mind at all.  When I am cumming he tries to remain inside by holding my ass and pushing it toward him as he tilts his pelvis forward.  We ended up performing this motion with such intensity at one point that my back is completely off the bed and my ass is resting on his stomach with his cock driving in me as deep as it can go.  I asked him to cum.  He wanted it to last for eternity and enjoy the tantric moment.

We continued to fuck and he slipped out once more. I went down on him and sucked on his cock putting the whole thing in my mouth.  I asked him to cum again, but he was so shocked and overwhelmed, he needed a break to clear his mind.  He excused himself to the restroom and then was eager for more once back on the bed.  We kissed and he commented on how great my lips were and I told him he had great lips too and that as a set our lips worked well together.  He got back inside me and again I came and came.

I was having a wonderful time, but I knew in the back of my head I had another encounter later that night and I didn’t want to stay too much longer.  I described to him how much I like to feel a cock explode inside me.  This seemed to excite him.  He sat back and jacked off as I played with my clit and described how the rush of cum through a cock feels.  He entered my pussy again rock solid and then released his entire creamy, wet load into me.  The whole sensation of his cum and cock transitioning from rock solid to progressively softer excited me so much that I came with him.  We both came so hard together.  I even laughed in the whole excitement and glory of the afternoon delight.

It was the first time in the day he was speechless.  It was great to witness this very successful, intelligent, worldly man become dumbfounded, by me, no less.  He did say as I was cumming with him it was as if I was milking him.  I was; I was milking all the cum from his cock.  It was a good analogy.

We were both on endorphin highs.  I got up to clean myself, got dressed as we cheeringly chatted.  He walked me out to my car and I drove off with the biggest smile on my face.  I was so happy with the afternoon and how wonderfully it turned out.  What a date!!

And now in a couple of hours I have another date and still am on an endorphin high from the previous one…

The evening didn’t turn out quite as well as the afternoon.  I met an older guy (55) and they can be either very conservative or just balls to the wall, I’ve discovered.  He was the former.  He is an actor/ drama instructor for a local college.  He relishes in his emotion and doesn’t want to over-think it, but just feel the experience.  My persuasion skills were not working to convince him to want to add intellect to his emotions and understand where they originate.  He just wants to feel the moment.  We went several rounds on this topic.  I guess I have found it my mission to get people to understand their emotion.  To me, its understanding the core of who you are as a person.  In fact, he even commented that he thought that it was my mission to add intellect to emotion.  I thought maybe he’s right.

We met for an hour and a half and barely into it I was coming to terms with the fact that I didn’t want to continue this date past food.  He walked me to my car and it was the first time in quite some time I decided not to ask someone to my place or go to theirs.  It was an awkward ending.  Even he seemed ill at ease knowing that there was no connection whatsoever.

On my way to the movie store, I thought of whom I may be able to fuck when I saw a text message on my phone.  It was one of my good fuck buddy friends.  He wanted me to come to his house, but I really didn’t feel like the drive.  He was willing to come to my house, but as I sat in my car I was realizing my day and how exhausted I was.  I thought of calling another fuck buddy near by, but again I felt like I had enough social interaction for the day.  It was a very exciting day filled with so much learning, exploration – everything you could possibly want in a day.  It was action packed to say the least.  I was content and ready to relax.

Bring the Unconsious to Consciousness

Today was an amazing day.  I learned so much.  I met two fabulous women and learned more about myself in return, and I learned more about CY and saw more progression in his psyche, which amazes me.  I love to witness growth in us all.

Regarding women; it is rare that I find any I can relate to but I think I have this week.  I first met a woman who is a Women’s Entrepreneur Coach.  She got a master’s in Psychology and became a licensed clinician.  As her practice progressed she realized she looked forward to clients cancelling.  Thus she knew that psychotherapy was not her purpose in life.   She got a coach to help her find her niche and she became a coach to help Women Entrepreneur’s.

The second woman I met was also absolutely fabulous.  She was selling Xango which is a concentrated drink of Mangosteen – a fruit native to Thailand.  She had a wonderful personal story of her mother dying of 4 different types of cancer.  After many years of conventional, doctor-prescribed medicine and procedures, her condition was not improving.  Her sister introduced Mangosteen, which she then consumed a high level of over a lengthy period of time and was able to fully recover from her cancer.  This woman was so passionate in her story and how the product personally affected her and her family that I suggested she write her story down.  She was so inspiring.  And then all of a sudden she asked me, “so what do you do, are you a Life Coach?”  I laughed in amazement and said, “Why yes I am.”  How amazing is that.

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I drove to CY house afterward my networking event and we walked to a nearby place for dinner.  He ate his second dinner and I ate my first.  I discussed with him my evening at the event I attended and he discussed his interactions at a three day conference in.  He brought back a book signed by the author who is a life coach.  He told her all about me and she told him she would love to help me find clients, my niche, etc.  It was great that he thought of me and presented such an opportunity.  I certainly intend to contact her and follow through with some action.

After dinner, we went directly to his house.  It was the first time I visited his house.  He has a cute house, very small, but so neatly put together and organized.  I excused myself to the restroom to do just that and turn on the audio.  He had to do the same once I was out.  While he was in the bathroom, I started to take off my clothes and once he was out, I was completely undressed.  He quickly got to the same point and we kissed on the bed.  I noticed he finally got the idea to put saliva on his hand to moisten the head of his cock.  That means he is learning how to take care of a lady through my instruction.  I loved it.  He inserted the head of his cock into my pussy and it slid right in to an orgasm for me.  It was amazing how I came instantly just with the insertion of his hard cock.  It just shows how you feel about someone impacts how you respond physically.  There is such a direct correlation between your emotion and physical body.  I am still overwhelmed to think about what happened and then to work to comprehend it all.

The more I interact with people the more wisdom I achieve, especially if I write about it afterwards, as I am now.  Writing makes me aware of my conscious and subconscious thoughts.  Writing brings all my thoughts to the surface so that I can assess them to see what makes sense and what doesn’t.  When it is in your head, there is too much to fully understand.  Writing draws it out and puts things in perspective. I see there is immediate learning part and then a growing cumulative part.  I see it in myself and through others.  It is amazing to watch and witness the process.

A Glorious Orgasm and then Sex

Later in the afternoon, as I was preparing for class, I decided to masturbate on the floor in my living room.  I had the most glorious orgasm that peaked and didn’t come down all the way; I remained in an orgasmic-like state of high and then peaked again.  It was an incredible feeling.  I don’t think I have ever had an orgasm last so long.  It was amazing that I could stay in a heightened state between two orgasmic peaks.  I think something physically and mentally is changing within me due to my marathon of sexual interactions.

I thought of all the recent cocks I have had and all the new cocks I have lined up.  All of a sudden I found it so exciting that I was getting all this attention.  Something must have triggered or a particular set of pleasure neurons.

Later that evening I drove to a fuck buddies house after class, knocked on his front door, and he opened it completely naked with all the lights out in the house.  It was mysterious yet sexy at the same time.  We greeted each other with a passionate kiss as the door was closed behind us.  He then walked into the bedroom and I took off all my closes as quickly as possible.  I brought myself and my purse with me to the bedroom and climbed on top of him lying on his bed.  I went down to see his cock and found myself immersed in his balls.  My eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the light but I don’t think it mattered.  He seemed to be enjoying me licking and kissing his balls.

I found my way up to the tip of his cock and sucked on the head and down the shaft; I just wanted to ensure he was hard.  Since I couldn’t see, the best thing to do is just feel or taste.  Once my mouth discovered he was hard I decided to try to slip him inside.  It took some more saliva and gentle easing, but he went inside just fine.  I got on my feet and did repetitive squats up and down the shaft of his cock.  I didn’t feel my usual orgasmic self, but I did cum.  It may have been that I am at that time of month but fortunately I do not bleed.  Either way, I was able to cum.  I then asked him to get on top of me.  He slipped out but was able to adjust and get back inside.  I like missionary position.  It allows a cock to drive deep into my pussy but along the top wall where I like it the most.  I spread my legs wide and hold on to his ass to drive him in more.  I cum, my legs shake, my pussy oozes juices, and squeezes his dick as I cum.

 

He then says, “let’s try something new” and positions me on my left side with my right leg on his left shoulder.  I hold on to his thighs to help him drive in deeper.  I cum again.  He then moves me to my knees and inserts himself again into my pussy doggie style.  I feel all of his cock from the base of the shaft upwards as he holds onto my thighs to drive in deeper.  He says he’s about to cum and I feel his cock get harder.  I then feel is ooze of creaminess released inside my pussy.  I push the back of my ass with my hands lying on the bed to ensure he is as deep as he can get and I squeeze every last drop of cum from his throbbing dick.  I cum once more in the excitement.

He asked if I wanted a towel, but instead of him getting up I decided to depart to the bathroom to clean up. I knew he got up early and I was interrupting his sleep with my presence.  But I was an invited guest and he came, so I think he is sleeping better because of my presence.

Building Blocks for a Successful Relationship from Meeting to Marriage

I came up with an eight step system for individuals looking for a long and lasting relationship.  After much personal experience, observation and research, I have discovered these steps provide a greater chance for a lifelong partner versus just a one night stand.  These steps are not ingrained in stone and there are certainly rare and wonderful cases where a one night stand can turn into a successful marriage.  However to increase your chances, I have determined these steps provide the proper criteria and mind set for marriage.

Building Blocks for a Successful Relationship from Meeting to Marriage

First Three to Six Months

1.  Meet

• Encounter at work, school, gym, grocery store, running/ walking club, art/ writing class, workshop, or any personal interest group.

2.  Establish a Friendship

• Treat each other as buddies.  No pressure for sex and truly get to know the person without expectations for the future or external demands.  In this type of relationship, you are permitted to be yourself and learn each other’s character, values and beliefs.

3.  Set Boundaries and Stand-up for your principles and viewpoint

• Be willing to end the relationship if they aren’t met.   You may be surprised how the relationship turns for the better after someone takes a stance if there is something special brewing between the two of you.

Six to Nine Months

4.  Continue to build boundaries; working on polite yet assertive communication.

5.  Respect

• Respect naturally forms if there is admiration and deference toward each other.  Appreciate signs of mutual respect such as thoughtfulness, consideration, politeness and respect of privacy.  Small considerate actions mean the most.

Nine Months to a Year

6.  Love is revealed

• Revel in your love, tender affection and romantic desires and longing for each other.

Year to Two Years

7.  Persevere the relationship

• Steadily persist in consistent thoughtful actions toward each other despite problems or difficulties if they exist.

8.  Marriage

• Make a 100% Commitment.  Be willing to work and give the relationship hundred percent; through thick and thin; the good and the bad times. During difficult times, look for the positives and enjoy your spouse more each day. You may be pleasantly surprised how your spouse responds; naturally reacting nicer.  An amazing transformation will eventually occur, illuminating happier times together.

• There is a remarkable difference between a commitment of 99% and 100%. At 100%, you are seeing your problems all the way through to their solutions. At 99% we can still find a way to take the path of least resistance…and usually do.